Monday, December 21, 2015

Inaugural Grownupping Is Hard Blog Post

"Sometimes I just hate being a grown-up," she said, once again.

"She" would be me, Jessica.  When I was a teen and in my early twenties, I thought that there would be a moment in my life when a switch would flip and I would immediately turn into that yuppie, sitting at the coffee table in the morning, sipping her coffee and reading the paper in her suit before going to work.  Well, not really the suit, as I've always despised anything less comfortable than a t-shirt and a pair of baggy sweatpants, but you know what I mean:  I thought I would "feel" it when I became an actual, bonafide adult.  While in college, I just felt like I was away at summer camp; no parents around, but they still took care of me.  Then when I got my first solo apartment, it was a tiny studio, so even though I worked full-time and lived there on my own for two years, it still felt like a college dorm room.  When I moved all the way across the country from California to Virginia, I did live in a college dorm room during my two years of graduate school, so I still felt like I was at camp, even though I was paying my own way.  Even now, I'm paying a mortgage on my first home and I still don't feel like I know WHAT THE HECK I'M DOING AND HOW I MADE IT THIS FAR!!!!

Being a grown-up involves so many different things and can include:
  • Employment
  • Paying bills on time
  • Paying down debt
  • Maintaining your living space
  • Maintaining and caring for pets
  • Maintaining and caring for yourself which may include:
    • Eating a healthy diet
    • Getting enough sleep
    • Exercise (for general good health and/or to get to or maintain a healthy weight)
    • Personal hygiene practices
    • Spiritual growth
    • Finding time to relax
  • Maintaining and/or growing relationships with friends and family
  • Engaging in your favorite hobbies
Notice I didn't say anything about raising kids.  That's because I'm only listing the things I personally have to deal with as I'm unmarried without children.  I can barely stay on top of all of that stuff listed above, I can't imagine adding living with and caring for a spouse AND raising children to the list!!!  I honestly am absolutely amazed and in awe of people who are also parents amidst all the other things being a grown-up can entail.

A few years ago I went through a pretty serious and emotional time in my life where I was the most unhappy I'd ever been; I was in utter despair at my situation.  I felt like I couldn't talk to anybody about it because I'd never known anyone else who'd gone through something similar, which made me feel even more utterly alone.  Then I found some support groups with people who were going through the same thing, or even worse!  I couldn't believe how amazing it felt to know I wasn't the only one going through it!  And it was amazing to be able to talk about it.  That's one reason I started this blog. I am finding grownupping to be hard.  Sometimes I get so stressed out because some of the responsibilites I listed above are neglected because I can't keep up with everything.  And then sometimes I feel slightly like a failure as an adult because "everyone else seems to have all their stuff together.  Why don't I?"  But I know I'm not the only one who feels this way and is struggling to keep up.  So I'm hoping that others will feel a little bit better knowing that others are going through the same things they are.  I'm also hoping that any strategies or new good habits I (hopefully) develop will be of some use to others.  And I'm also hoping that others can give me any good tips for managing this thing we call Grown-Up Life. 

Additionally, I have so many goals (some HUGE) that I want to reach and I know that writing them down and keeping them at the forefront of my mind will help me to achieve those goals.  All of the items listed above are what make up most of my life, but, in addition to just generally getting a better handle on managing my time with all of that, my huge goals are to:
  • Get to a healthy weight, ultimately losing about 70 pounds.
  • Pay off debt, starting with the non-mortgage debt. (It's a Mount Everest amount of debt.  If I ever get the courage, I may list that amount on this site one day, but for now, just know it's a huge amount: tens and tens and tens of thousands.)
As I have--multiple times already--mentioned how hard grownupping can be, I'm thinking my initial posts won't be so regular, but I'm hoping that as I work towards getting a handle on managing my life, I'll start posting on a regular basis.  As it's Christmastime and I am in a leadership position with the worship band at my church, amongst everything else in my life (Ahhhhhh!!!), it is a very busy time right now, but I hope to post a new entry soon.  Until next time, take care of yourselves.

Jessica :)

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